Hey everyone, it's Nov 6, 2018, and it's been a month or so since I've been active on my IG. I've been putting off this post for a month or so, because a huge part of me desperately didn't want to write this. This past year had a lot of milestone changes and events. For one, Aria started preschool this fall, and so I had a lot of self reflection on what I wanted to do now that I'm no longer a "stay at home mom". I initially wanted to really grow my business. But this post isn't about my business growing...
The most difficult life challenge this year was to strive to be resilient after wanting to give up in one big aspect of my life. (not in my marriage or anything super devastating, but still a really bad thing) A series of events that occurred after this led me to where I am now... I am going back to college to finish my music degree!
I am so so grateful I was offered the opportunity to perform on saxophone in my first orchestra pit for the "I'm a Bright Kid Foundation" @imabrightkidfoundation. My orchestra pit colleagues were among the best musicians in Hawai'i, and I was super intimidated to play along side these top dogs. For one month, I got to rehearse, perform, and learn from these amazing musicians who, turns out, were also amazing people. The theme for our production was "Believe in Yourself" which struck a HUGE chord in me. I learned that I could groove with these cool cats and they all believed in me... all I had to do was "Believe in myself". It hit me like a brick wall. I enjoyed this experience so much that I wanted to improve myself and my musicianship so that I could possibly be offered these types of opportunities in the future. I realized this meant I wanted to go back to college and finish my music degree.
I thought going back to school after so long was a really crazy idea, actually. I had a really hard time in college before, which is why I dropped out. I didn't know who I was, what I wanted to do in life, and I didn't believe in myself. I honestly hated school and never wanted to go back. I was floored by the amount of support I received by every single person I talked to about going back to school. Everyone was super happy for me and proud of me for taking the leap to go back. My ever supporting husband was the first to tell me I can do this and is willing to step up to take care of the kids in the evenings if I have to practice or do homework. I'm grateful for this rare second chance at going back to school because he believes in me. I'm grateful I have my military benefits that will help me pay for college. I am grateful for my business that has taught me so many life lessons that I will carry over into my new college experience and into whatever my next life adventure is. I am grateful for all my musician mentors who believe in me and have given me music opportunities to grow. I am grateful for my saxophone teacher, who has been my rock, my inspiration, and has always told me to finish my degree!
Since I dropped out of college about 6 years ago (right before I got married) I pretty much convinced myself that college was not for me, and that I didn't need a degree to be successful. I wanted to get married, have kids, and be a stay at home mom until they went to school. That's about as far as I planned. When my clay hobby blossomed into a business, I thought I had it all figured out. I would make my clay hobby my part time job while I was staying at home and then grow my business when they both went to school. I preached to friends and family that you don't need a degree nowadays to make a business and support your family. I still believe this, but let me tell you how difficult it is to balance your business with LIFE. I was trying to juggle my kids, husband, friends, my military job (National Guard), part timing on saxophone gigs, my fitness and overall health, and more with my business. Even if I gave 50% of my life to my business, all those other aspects would have to split the remaining 50%, which really meant I was only giving about 10% each aspect, give or take a few percentages.
I thought I was balancing everything just fine all these years, but as my business grew and grew, all other aspects of my life had to give in so that I could put more effort into my highly demanding business. I didn't realize this until I took a month long break, and saw how much everything else was not equally balanced as I thought. I had my business on my mind from the moment I woke up until the moment I fell asleep.
So, here I am, 30 years old, going back to school to finish my undergrad. All of my life events leading up to now have shaped me and hopefully made me a better person, a wiser person, and more motivated to attain my goals. I spend more time with my kids and husband, I work out and I am in better shape than before I had kids, I'm taking on more leadership roles in my military job, and I get to play saxophone everyday. Even though I am very sad that my business will no longer be active, all other aspects of my life are doing much much better, and I think it's the right thing.
I can't make any promises what will happen. I might never come back to my business, I might come back full force. I will have to play it by ear when the time comes, but for right now, I will be putting all my efforts into being the best mother, wife, sergeant, musician, and student I can be.
My last event will be the Season's Best Craft Fair at Blaisdell Exhibition Hall on December 14-16, 2018.
Aloha 'oe. Until we meet again!
Da Crafty Lilninja